Yeah, this one is gonna be in english just to make things a little easier on you. At least once.
How many of us have ever felt alone in a middle of a crowd?
There is this quote that sais "Lonelyness is feeling alone, yet in the middle of a crowd".
I totally agree on that. Sometimes it just doesn't matter how many people there are around you, the most funny friends, in the greatest place you could ever be. Is just won't be enough. It can't make you completly happy.
You can - and you should - try to enjoy these moments. And simply it's not about not recongnizing that all of those people around you, just wanted to see you happy. So, I'm not talking about that. I do love my friends and family and have them close to my heart.
But what if, there is someone in any part of this big big world, that you just wanted more than one of those people? What if your smiles and laughters would be happier if you had this person close to you? And what if the most beautiful place became 10 times more beautiful, just because you are contemplating it with he/she by your side?
I have an answer for that: You are in love. Either you got your heart broken, either you're fallen in love for someone who doens't even know you exist or even if you are married for 25 years to that same person... this can only be love. Thats very interesting to me. You are in somewhere, with all the kinds of people surrounding you, and for some reason, you feel there is nothing around you. And even if all those people altogether speak up so loudly, that makes you not even be able to listen to your own voice, your heart beats in such intensity, that it can be even higher than any other sound. For a moment, seems like the whole world can feel your heartbeat.
There is also one different type of situation. Everyone is calling you to make a really great, perfect and fun thing. Going to the movies, spending sometime together, speaking about silly things, swimming at the beach... But you just don't feel like going to none of them. You just wish to stay at home, staring at the phone, couting the minutes for one specific call. Or you stay with your eyes fixed on the clock imagining which time someone could show up at your house. In my specific case, ii just cant take my eyes off the screen of my computer most of times.
For all of those examples, i know exactly what they mean and how they feel. Its been 6 months, since he entered in my life. And then, nothing has been the same. I just don't care if i get late to meet my friends. They will get late anyway. But still he is all i care about. Cause i am sure, if my friends felt in love for someone, the way i felt for him, they wouldnt care that much about me either. And i would understand it. This thing called 'love', turn our times upside down. My time for example, has 2 schedules. Each one of them with, in this exactly moment, has 6 hours of different between them. It can be 12:00 and 18:00 for me at the same time. All my days have been like that. I feel that i am in Brasil, and in the same time, the other half of me, in the other side of this big ocean.
I don't wanna be with anyone else. I don't care that much about any thing else that i could do.
I want him. I need to stay with him. My body just don't wanna move. My heart fights to myself. My mind doesn't stay clear, cause all it can think about is his face.
Today i felt alone in the middle of a "crowd". Tough i know i am not alone. I am conected to him and i feel it. My subcounsious knows it. And the only day that I will feel again, that i have all the company that i could ever need, is when my eyes first look at him.
So no one will ever be enough, it doesn't matter the number of people around me. It will only be enough, when my crowd is complete with your presence surrounding me. And more and more i'm completly sure that this feeling that toke control of me has only one name - Love.
Tumba de Selim II e outros - Istambul
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